It was almost 40 years ago that feminist and sexologist Shere Hite published a 600-page report about women's sex lives, revealing how most women orgasm (by masturbating), and, well, don't (through penetration). And while her findings were groundbreaking at the time, the stats haven't swayed all that much. Even in an age when we can watch porn on our phones and purchase vibrators with our online drugstore orders, plenty of women still don't climax as much as they might want to. According to the Kinsey Institute, about 85 percent of men think their partners had an orgasm the last time they had sex, but only about two thirds of woman say they climaxed. What's more, about 75 percent of women can't orgasm from vaginal sex alone, and 10 to 15 percent of women are unable to orgasm at all.
Whether you're getting off regularly or could use a little help in that area, let's get serious: None of us would shut down advice on how to achieve an even more mind-blowing orgasm. To get you there, Glamour enlisted the help of sex-education legends Betty Dodson, 86, and Ruth Westheimer a.k.a. Dr. Ruth, 87, who, were some of the first women to openly talk about a woman's right to a satisfying sex life, one in which she gets to finish.
Some background: Dodson has been teaching women how to harness their sexuality since the 1960s, and used to instruct workshops for women on how to masturbate. (No wonder she's considered to be the founder of the pro-sex feminist movement.) Dr. Ruth came on the scene in the 1980s, when she became known for her no-holding-back conversations about sex on radio and television. In 2009, Playboy named her as one of the top 55 most important people in sex. (Dodson, to the surprise of no one, also made the list.)
Glamour Exclusive: Watch Dr. Ruth explain why you should never sell yourself short in the orgasm department:
Here's what these OGs of the female orgasm had to say about what you can do to have a better O.
__Grab a mirror and look at your vulva, a.k.a. the outside of what you probably think of as your vagina. Yup, we're going there. __
Whether you're planning on having sex alone or with someone else, it's extremely important to get to know your body well. A good way to do that, according to Dodson, is to masturbate in front of a mirror.
"Get a freestanding mirror so you can use both hands plus a good light source to view your sex organ," explains Dodson. "Do an overall vulva massage using an organic oil like coconut or almond. Focus on your clitoris and experiment with what feels best by touching soft to firm with well-oiled fingers."
Take a breather—literally.
If your brain is completely wrapped up in whether or not you'll orgasm, you'll never get where you want to be. So take a breath, and relax. If you can't pull your mind out of spin of willithappenwillithappenwillithappen, then recognize that it's OK to let it go—maybe it won't happen, and then, well, no biggie. "One thing I could say is if [women] are very anxious about this issue, [then] just stop trying for a while so that when they next try, they are not putting quite the same amount of pressure on themselves," says Dr. Ruth.
Make sure your partner knows how you get yourself off.
If you can't orgasm with your partner, but can get there during masturbation, Dr. Ruth suggests showing your partner what you do to climax on your own. Most women can't orgasm through penetration alone, so you have nothing to feel weird about showing your partner a different way of doing things. Also: It's a complete turn-on.
Dodson suggests what she calls the "combo-orgasm"—which is "vaginal penetration with clitoral stimulation at the same time." It's pretty straightforward: "However you stimulate your clitoris during self-loving is what you want to add during sex with your partner," she says.
Keep thy vibrator close, but don't rely on it entirely.
Although you love your vibrator, you should consider giving it a break. "The male genitalia, nor even the male hand or tongue, cannot compete with the strong sensations given by a vibrator and so I suggest to women that at least now and then…they employ the vibrator to become aroused but use their hand [to finish]," says Dr. Ruth.
Dodson, finds that other household items can come in handy, too. "We have all heard of using your electric tooth brush and sitting on a dryer during the spin cycle. My advice is to never rely on a battery driven vibe," explains Dodson, "Always have a plug-in vibrator available along with organic massage oil for self touching and to also use during penetration sex."
But how do the OGs of the female orgasm get themselves off?
Dr. Ruth is keeping her personal technique to herself, but Dodson is all in—and we're so glad.
First, she puts the cell phone away—this is a total no-call zone. Here's the rest of her setup: "A towel on the bed. My Magic Wand vibrator has been charged. I chose a favorite dildo and place my bottle of almond oil next to me," she says.
Dodson continues, "I begin with a vulva massage while scanning my hot fantasy repertoire. Once I choose one, I begin with the vibrator near but not on my clitoris. Next, I do slow penetration matching my fantasy as I bring the vibe closer to my clitoris…slowly pushing [my finger] into my vagina.... Once full arousal has been reached, I allow myself to get close to coming but pull back and breathe deeply dropping back. I repeat this pattern which is called edging' for as long as I can hold back while I remain in fantasy mode. After several passes, I finally let go and release all the sexual tension into a full body orgasm."
And that, my friends, is how it's done.
