We spend a lot of time around these parts discussing the sexiest aspects of dating, from thrilling first kisses to how to have orgasms that are so good, they practically lobotomize you. But I'd be doing you all a disservice if I didn't touch upon one of the less alluring potential side effects of a busy sex life: STDs.
I recently got a press release for an app called Healthvana that wants to change how people find out about their STD status. The release opens with: "You've Got Mail' originated in 1998—now, in 2014, your doctor may deliver news like You've Got Chlamydia' through an app." Well...points for working a rom-com mention in there!
Backed by the AIDS Healthcare Foundation, Healthvana aims to help doctors deliver positive results for chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis, along with HIV-negative results, to patients. In general, easier access to health information from doctors is something I applaud. At the same time, I have an instant, visceral reaction to this and a gut feeling that STDs and apps do not mix.
On the other hand, there are apps that will anonymously tell people they should get checked. In theory, it's a great idea because sometimes the possible awkwardness of having that conversation trumps the moral duty to tell someone. Not the worst way to share the news, but not the best. These, on the other hand, are definitely terrible ways to tell someone and should be avoided at all costs:
A Facebook status tagging everyone you've had sex with recently.
Telling them right after sex. I mean come on. The conversation is supposed to happen pre-, not post-coital.
A singing telegram. Although, if you got an STD because someone cheated, I wouldn't blame you for anonymously sending this one over to the cheater's office. (I wouldn't advise it either, but I wouldn't blame you.)
A drunk text. I'm all for liquid courage, but don't make someone parse out the meaning behind "U nay wan2 get testes."
All of those terrible ideas aside, anything that helps people get treated is better than nothing. If you're also not the app kind of woman but still need to tell someone they've been exposed to an STD, there are a few ways to handle it.
For example:
If it's someone you're starting to date or you're already in a stable relationship with, a face-to-face chat in a private place is the way to go. It sounds so scary, but it's much better than slinging an e-card (yes, STD e-cards exist) their way or, worse, just not telling them out of fear. Make sure to come prepared with some information about the STD so you can try to answer their questions, and be ready to give them space to process the news. When it comes down to it, the CDC says there are about 20 million new infections each year in the United States. Just remember you're not alone, and try to breathe through it.
If you realize you may have exposed an ex or a random hookup, I think it's fine to give the person a phone call. Hopefully that individual's understanding, but if not, you did your due diligence. Acting like an adult about your sex life is always something to be proud of, so chalk it up to life experience, and don't beat yourself up over it.
What do you think is the best way to tell someone you have an STD? How about the best ways to react to the news?
