Smitten

What It Takes for a Man to Decide He's Ready for Marriage

There are three types of men, if you break it down simply: 1. Men who haven't had many long-term relationships and have no desire to start. 2. Men who have had some serious relationships and are open to the idea...either now or someday. 3. Men who always seem to be in a relationship or on the lookout for one. Ultimately, his intentions (what is he looking for right now?) and his past (what type of relationships he's had?) combine to create an overall marriage outlook for a guy. In other words, whether he is able to see you as The One, or at least someone he wants to be with long-term, depends not just on you but on his past experiences as well. So, step one: Know what his track record is. You will likely get a better sense right off the bat for where the relationship may lead. There are always exceptions to the rules, but if you're with a guy who's never had a serious girlfriend, or one who's had plenty but never seems to pull the trigger, it could be a sign of what's to come with you. Step two: Know if a serious relationship is something

There are three types of men, if you break it down simply:

  1. Men who haven't had many long-term relationships and have no desire to start.

  2. Men who have had some serious relationships and are open to the idea...either now or someday.

  3. Men who always seem to be in a relationship or on the lookout for one.

Cydney, 28, says, "I was well aware of the pressure to have children after marriage, but for me, the next big pressure is buying a house. And in an expensive real estate market like Washington, D.C., it's hard to get friends and family back home in the Midwest to understand why I'm nearly 30 and still renting. My parents ask me weekly how my house hunting is doing."

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Ultimately, his intentions (what is he looking for right now?) and his past (what type of relationships he's had?) combine to create an overall marriage outlook for a guy. In other words, whether he is able to see you as The One, or at least someone he wants to be with long-term, depends not just on you but on his past experiences as well.

So, step one: Know what his track record is. You will likely get a better sense right off the bat for where the relationship may lead. There are always exceptions to the rules, but if you're with a guy who's never had a serious girlfriend, or one who's had plenty but never seems to pull the trigger, it could be a sign of what's to come with you.

Step two: Know if a serious relationship is something he wants. Regardless of his past, if he's ready, he's ready. It won't be a mystery. He might have never really clicked with anyone in the past but then met you and knew immediately you were special. He might see you for the independent, mysteriously confident woman you are, and in comparison to other options, you stand out immediately. If this is the case, he'll likely tell you (first with his actions and later with his words) that you're the one he's been holding out for.

Step three: Recognize stalling. Many guys who have had long relationships but purposefully strayed from the commitment path may take a while to come around to the truth—that you are special and the one worth settling down for. This is the guy who will suddenly wake up one day and have a revelation that you are his perfect match, but unfortunately, it may be too late. Most women have dated this guy and eventually broken up with him when he wouldn't commit. Three girlfriends later, you'll usually find them right where you left them: still single.

Either way, one thing is certain: Most guys don't decide you're The One the very first moment they meet you. If the spark is there and continues to thrive, that's good enough for most guys to see where a relationship leads. It's up to you to decide how much time to coast along like that before requiring a real commitment.

Ryan Serhant is our resident guide to guys. He's a cast member of Million Dollar Listing New York (Wednesdays at 9 P.M. on Bravo) and a broker at Nestseekers. View all of Ryan's posts.