When I wrote my recent piece about what type of secrets are OK to keep in a relationship, I got to thinking about a major one: cheating. I would absolutely want to know if someone cheated on me, but I have friends who are more of the "ignorance is bliss" mind-set. To be fair, I see benefits and drawbacks to both.
I would want to know if a boyfriend cheated because to me, it's 100 percent a deal-breaker. It doesn't matter how much I love someone or would want a life with him, cheating would tell me that he's not who I thought he was. That's something I'd want to know so I could make decisions about my love life with as much pertinent information as possible. I know there are people out there who would never cheat, and even if my relationship seemed really great besides my boyfriend hooking up with some other girl, I'd want to go find one.
The most popular reason I've heard for not wanting to know is that it could just be a onetime mistake. In that case, people argue, what's the point of potentially torpedoing a relationship for something that will never happen again? For me, it would be enough that it happened once—I'd never be able to trust that it was the only time (I know there are exceptions, but I think "once a cheater, always a cheater" is true quite often). But some people have blissful relationships that they wouldn't want to ruin for something that could be a onetime indiscretion.
I think it comes down to this: Trust is the foundation of most relationships. For people who don't view cheating as a big deal, think it can be a onetime thing, or believe someone who's had an affair can be rehabbed, their trust won't necessarily be irrevocably broken by an instance of cheating. I can see why they would rather not know. Personally, my trust would be shattered more than my heart was when Drake and Rihanna broke up, so the relationship would be over. Even if we tried to make it work for a bit, I'd never be able to get back to the same place again.
What do you think? Would you want to know if you'd been cheated on?
